half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
