I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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