I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
