this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
