I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
