I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
