...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
