I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
