Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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