I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
