YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
