Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need to sanitize my soul.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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