Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
