I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
