Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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