I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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