My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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