pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
