Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
