i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
