I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
