It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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