How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
