he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
