i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
