How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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