I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
