Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
