im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
