god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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