At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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