i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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