Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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