I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
