I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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