I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
