I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
