i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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