theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
