Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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