The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
