You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
