she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Your cock deserves a montage
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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