All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
