So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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