i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
