Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
zippers are such a cool invention
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
