new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
