Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
