Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
