took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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